Disconnected

I'm not good at connecting with others. It's something that I've struggled with ever since I was a kid. I was never the kid in class with a lot of friends. For the most part, I was always the kid in class without any friends. Making friends isn't the only problem though. Yes, making friends is hard for me. But even when I do have a friend, I still feel a lack of connection to anyone. I don't know if this means that there is a problem with me, or maybe I am just not making friends with the right kinds of people.

Don't get me wrong. I like my friends and they are all fabulous people. But I can't help but feel really alone even when I am surrounded by friends. A lot of friendships seem so superficial. Like we get together and we have fun and we talk and do things. But at the end of the day, I don't feel like anyone is really actually there for me. I don't feel particularly close to the people who are in my life. I used to think that this wasn't a big deal, since I am a loner for the most part. I enjoy being on my own. But it would be nice to know that there are even a couple of people there for me no matter what. And at this point in my life, I don't think that is the case.

It's harder to make close connections to people when you get older. Everyone is so busy with their own lives that you feel like you're not actually involved in anyone's life. It's very strange.